← Interpersonal Effectiveness
How strongly to ask or say no
A 1–10 scale from hinting to insisting, and the factors that decide where to land.
Asking
- 1 — Don’t ask, don’t hint
- 3 — Hint openly; take no
- 5 — Ask gracefully; take no
- 7 — Ask confidently; resist no
- 10 — Ask and don’t take no for an answer
Saying no
- 1 — Do it without being asked
- 3 — Do it, even if not cheerfully
- 5 — Say you’d rather not, but do it gracefully
- 7 — Say no confidently; resist saying yes
- 10 — Don’t do it
Factors to weigh
- Capability: can they give it / do I have it?
- Timing: is this a good moment?
- Homework: am I clear and prepared?
- Authority and rights.
- Is it appropriate to the relationship?
- Reciprocity: am I giving as much as I ask?
- Long-term goals vs. short-term peace.
- Self-respect: does Wise Mind agree?
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