← Interpersonal Effectiveness
Three kinds of effectiveness
Before a hard conversation, decide what matters most: the outcome, the relationship, or your self-respect.
Objective effectiveness (DEAR MAN)
Getting what you want or saying no. Ask: what specific result do I want? What will work?
Relationship effectiveness (GIVE)
Keeping or improving the relationship. Ask: how do I want them to feel about me afterward?
Self-respect effectiveness (FAST)
Keeping respect for yourself. Ask: how do I want to feel about myself afterward?
What gets in the way
- Not knowing what to say yet.
- Worry thoughts: “they won’t like me,” “I don’t deserve this.”
- Emotions taking over.
- Indecision about what you want.
- An environment where even skilled behavior won’t work.